Grief: Understanding Denial

One of the first responses to losing a loved one, a possession, or a way of life, is denial.

You have probably heard people say, "Oh, she's in denial," and chances are, it never really rang true, until you lost something, yourself.

Denial is a natural way for our minds to adapt to our new realities. It's one way how we protect ourselves against the emotions we feel about what we've just lost.

Dodging the situation gives us more time to adjust and become more comfortable with our new life changes.

You may see certain behaviors come to the surface at the beginning of your transition to accepting your outcome.

You may think that you will get what you have lost back someday.

You imagine that maybe, later, you will have "that" again.

Trying to wrap your head around the thing to figure it out, you estimate that if you could just shuffle some priorities around in your life, you would somehow find more room for what is missing.

You may spend a lot of time focusing on how to make it all work out.

Wholeheartedly, you believe that you can make it okay.

For a while, you may try your best to get the object, person, or life back that you once had. You look for ways to get back to "normal" again.

These aren't bad things to be doing. We all try to hang on tightly to the things we love.

And why wouldn't we? They've carved a special place in our hearts, and made our lives more worth it, in some way.

In fact, it's entirely okay to embrace where you are and allow yourself to heal.

Give yourself plenty of space to stretch your thinking.

Because the real results that something is truly gone in your life (or at least for the moment), will be proven to you by your own observations.

In due time, you will begin to see that it's not going to work out, and that whatever it was is really gone.

When you are eased in your heart enough to face up to what life has given to you, is when you can expect to notice your mind shifting to another place in your journey with grief.

Grief: In the Beginning

Tragedy. It strikes. The world stops. Your light flickers, and for a short while halts. The life within you is frozen. And what is left isn't much.

What you are, in presence, is a mess of a human, invaded. Plagued by new feelings and emotions. Some of them rational. Some of them not.

You're torn from the absence and reality of what has just escaped you, and you can't even begin to begin... Anything.

Suffering is something that is shared by all of humanity. The grips of terror and anger and madness that you are experiencing are very real, and should be allowed as a part of your grieving experience.

Most of us try to brave our tempers and tame our tears, but what we really need is to allow these emotions to have their turn with us.

Shoving our pain causes emotional damage to linger, and bitterness to rage. Without really dealing with the issues, we avoid a large part of our freedom: our healing.

While there are many facets and aspects that we may never understand about how or why things happened like they did, we can be like open vessels for our pain to travel through.

The start may be conflicting. Heavy is the blaring voice of rage that twists and grinds its way through your soul. You can feel the absence. A vacancy is exposed by a swift rip and sudden uprooting from your flesh that pounds and throbs with random timing.

It serves as constant reminder of who you were, what once was, and what won't be...

Ever again.

I've felt these things. I'm very aware of the massive calamity it leaves you in its wake.

Death and loss can hold you in its snare, and choke you of your very breath.

But it is necessary to approach death and your feelings, and walk your broken, mangled heart through the process of its grieving.

Because the reward that awaits for you and for me, is a special place. A place that honors and restfully grins with more permission, a happier, healthier peace of mind.

I hope to help you transition through your struggles, and encourage you to be okay with the emotions you have.

Our hearts and our minds are the greatest of value, and we have the power to overcome and see a new day, through the goodness of grief.

Just. Move.

Have you ever been stuck? Ever tried to get up out of a hole of despair, or wrestled with the damaging effects of fear?

Fear is a devastating beast, and if you let it linger, and think about it for hours on end, you can watch it grow.

What was once a tiny little speck of worry, has now ripened to an adult-sized mass that continues to consume and gnaw, and peck away at the center of your soul.

Then, you're just left to wallow in its dust, surrounded by the pieces of your severed heart. That heart, that once held ambition, and hope, and a voice... And a means to survival.

But, now what can you do? You're here, and helpless, and wondering what you could ever do.

Sometimes, the hardest thing to do is get out of a funk. I mean, when you're stuck, well.. You're stuck. And it only makes sense, that you have to try and wiggle your way out of there.

When I allow fear to grip my life by the reigns, and direct and inspire my actions, I continue to feed the creature of doubt.

One way to face fear head on, is to meet it with a simple first step. Because, when you're scared and not sure about your steps, you can't expect yourself to do it all at once.

But, what you can do...

Is move.

Just move.

What happens when you adjust your eyes to the thing you fear most?

You feel power filling your fallen spirit. You feel the edge of your soul easing in, hushing your insecurity.

Then, suddenly...

You're out, and you can finally press your feet upon the ground again.. and this time, it's not inside a pit of gloomy demise.

This time your stance is strong and firm, and the warmth of the light is your radiant source of energy.

Grab courage with me, and without care to fear or the absence of help around...

Take this moment...

And let the mantra of "Just move" echo in your mind.

Just. Move.