New Measures of Success

What does a life of your own include?

Well, it's very personal and unique to your situation.

One common thread remains, however.

Productivity serves as one of the main measurements for success in our nation.

So, the very first thing you must do is change what you're fighting for.

If you keep the previous markers for winning in life as your goals, you will feel like something great is missing in fulfilling your new dreams.

You must change your measurement for achievement, too.

Instead of wearing yourself out on overdoing everything, you can slow down in your day-to-day duties, because there will be less for you to do.

Satisfaction and steady progress are the new guidelines for success in my life.

This means that the items I am involved with each day have made it to my focused, "final cut" list of activities.

Some of these actions I need to survive and maintain the ins and outs from sunrise to sunset.

Those are more basic needs that we all must accomplish to keep going.

Other parts of the list include other needs that need attention, but have to do with different aspects of your well-being.

Whatever you are most passionate about...

Whatever you must do repetitively over time that brings you satisfaction and a sense of purpose will also be acknowledged on this new list you're making.

In order for you to receive happiness and feel like you're making daily progress, you must reformat your measurements for prosperity.

You must redefine success, and make it your very own.

A Life of Your Own

We all have people we look up to.

Whether they are role models or mentors, or just act as a visual example of elements we want to experience in our own lives, we all have people like that.

If you think back to childhood, our examples were perhaps a little farfetched.

The possibility of us taking on the roles and lifestyles of Bruce Wayne, Super Woman, or The Incredible Hulk aren't exactly feasible.

Here's a little insider secret for you, though...

Neither are the lifestyles we aim to copy in the real world.

Not many people achieve the levels of standard satisfaction our society pumps out.

Using us as factories, we are expected to conform to the cycle of its unattainable rat race.

People are slaughtered on the never-ending wheel of productivity, where our safety and individuality is compromised for the sake of the further progressing corporate powers.

An incredible thing happens when you step off the treadmill of continual overkill.

The world starts to slow down.

You start to notice your muscles aching from being pushed over the line for far too long.

You begin to see how fast everyone else is going, and how caught up they are in the game of "making it" in this life.

And you want to cry for them.

It's not fair that we were born into these situations of domination.

It's not right that we have to agree to the fullness of the "logical rules" and ideals that don't suit our own understandings.

It's not justifiable to be used in the hot pursuit of a few men's gain.

While the rest of the world suffers and exhausts past physical, mental, and emotional boundaries, our allowance gives in.

The war for our participation in the big plan is won by overextension.

In a place where minds and bodies and hearts are weak, so is our vulnerability to succumb to the safety of someone who can play as the caregiver and rescue us from our demise.

I wish this wasn't the case.

I wish the world didn't work this way.

I wish war and power weren't the focus of our nation.

I wish peace had its value.

I wish love was fought for.

The least we can do...

The least I can do...

Is tell you that I know how hard it is out here.

Because I live here, too.

Today, I dare you to dream a new dream...

One that you've probably only hinted at before.

Imagine how you can be real love and live real love.


What would your life look like if you stepped off the treadmill, and made your life your very own?

Too Fast for Your Own Good?

How do you know when you're going too fast for your own good? Well, more than likely, you'll feel it. You'll feel stressed out.

Even for the extravert, hyper-energetic, outspoken folks... You'll feel that something just isn't right.

So, what do you do when you've discovered that you need to slow down?

How do you even begin to make monumental changes, strong enough to feel their calming impact?

If you want your life to slow down, you have to practice slowing down.

What would you do with extra time on your side?

The opportunities are endless.

Here are some of the things I've cut out of my life or drastically reduced to a minimal engagement with:


     1.  Television - We don't use cable. For years we haven't.

I grew up with my own tv set in my room, and many nights it kept me up watching old black and white movies until 3AM with school the next morning. Tsk. Tsk.

Seriously, though, that was our first major family step, and we didn't think about it too much. We use Netflix and set daily limits.

When the tv comes on, it's PBS. We never see commercials, and haven't for a long time.

The kids don't know what the latest toys are by missing out on all that marketing. Darn.


     2. Media Restrictions - We set boundaries on media use.

No tv in the morning. 1 episode of PBS during lunch. Sometimes an afternoon movie gets selected, but that's becoming less these days, now that they have discovered the Rainbow Loom.

In the evening, we watch 2 short 11 minute episodes before bedtime.


     3. Computer Restrictions - The kids get to set the timer for 20 minutes a piece to use the computer.

The weekends get more usage, but at least we have boundaries.

We have made great progress from the days where I'd keep the tv on for "background noise" when I felt alone.

Now that the noise is off, I'm really enjoying the sounds quiet has to offer.


     4. Don't Do So Much - At one point, I was homeschooling, homemaking, being a wife (sort of), taking college classes (and being on the Dean's List), hosting coops, baby-sitting, and the list goes on.

I would back myself into a corner and book end my days with activities.

I remember being so stressed out, that I had to quit my baby-sitting job, because I had so much going on and was so maxed out with stress, that I couldn't speak clearly.

I had to put an end to that over-achiever, do-it-all attitude.

It was having a very negative effect on me.


     5. Simplify Your Home - This is a process that's always in maintenance mode.

We've scaled back a lot of our excess items around here, but I am about to go on a rampage to eliminate more.

The less time you have to spend cleaning up your stuff, the more time you'll get to spend living life, making memories, and loving people, which are the true elements of happiness.

What area do you need the most help with? 

Decide on one mission, and start drastically weeding things out of your life. 

The more room you make, the more space you'll have to breathe, create, and just be.

Slow and Steady Does Win the Race

Our society is built on fast people.

Productivity is pushed as a measurement for success and feverishly we are taught to race after that prize with a vengeance.

Even at the cost of our own capabilities, we are encouraged to put aside our cares and personal needs in order to accomplish and uphold the impossible, unachievable goals set before us.

But what happens when we go too fast for our own good? We get hurt. We trip. We fall short. We stop.

And that's the case for humanity.

The winners, the people who really understand how to get to the finish line, have a different view on how to approach their course.

They maintain by going at a slow enough pace to keep up and maintain and avoid burnout.

Endurance is the key to survival.

When we are overcrowded with commitments or schedule too much in our days, we set ourselves up to fail.

The caffeine you're drinking may tell you that you can deep clean the whole house, go on 3 outings with the kids and their friends, and cook soup for the whole nation of starving children, but you can't.

The reality is you can't.

You can only do so much.

Your body will come down, as it is meant to do, with its need to rest and repair itself.

Then, like the dawn, you will be ready to rise once more to tackle the challenges of the day.

But if you want to get to the end, and not be the girl puking on the sidelines in sheer exhaustion, you had better learn to slow down.

What is one step you can take today to "slow down" your life a bit?

Can you envision yourself managing your breaths and days and not getting worn out?

Take a few moments to think about the areas in your life where you're going too fast.

Think about the steps you need to take to calm down and keep your days more balanced.

The Delivery of Communication

How we convey information to others can be transmitted in various ways.

Some people have the ability to express knowledge or their feelings in a very straightforward manner, with no hesitation.

Others, like myself, may have a more subtle approach (which may be advanced by the consumption of the courageous coffee bean).

Either way, we need to find the best options for us to explain what's on our minds.

We can give kind directions, responsibly, and at the same time show the importance of our words by our delivery.

Adults who can offer choices allow their children to connect with their sense of self-worth.

Persuasive conversation with your child also permits autonomy, strategy, and confidence to develop and grow.

What can you do to increase positive encounters with the children in your life?

The Importance of Expressing Warmth to Children

We can emphasize to a child and reinforce the existence of their personal value by projecting positive and sincere affection to them.

Our kindness toward our young children, cordially invites them to feel more at ease and secure about the daily challenges they face.

The gentleness we give serves to guide them by the approving tonality we set.

When these very basic security and emotional needs are met, confidence and comfort is more prevalent in children.

Teachers and parents, alike, can show they like their children by expressing a tone that reflects warmth and promotes a relaxed composure in the child's behavior.

One obvious way young children learn is by observing our behavior.

Children can sense our changing emotions. They can see when we are experiencing troubled times.

We must learn to respond to our situations by acting in an appropriate manner when bad things do happen to us.

As adults, we must set the stage for less stress in our children, and show them that we can handle and process problems when they arise.

Through mimicry, children tend to imitate some of the visible examples they see in their lives. They can mirror our responsiveness to dilemma by witnessing our own attitudes and cooperation with complicated events.

The continuation of these factors is an elemental force that grows a developing child's confidence and emotional intelligence.

Making sure we practice optimistically dealing with issues, enhances our child's connection to how confidently he may feel about problem-solving in his own scenarios.

It's also one thing we can do to grow a child's security, and convey real warmth to them.


In what ways do you show authentic warmth to your children? What is one thing you can implement today, to activate your learning? You have the power to give them approval, or take it away.


---Leah

Grief: Understanding Denial

One of the first responses to losing a loved one, a possession, or a way of life, is denial.

You have probably heard people say, "Oh, she's in denial," and chances are, it never really rang true, until you lost something, yourself.

Denial is a natural way for our minds to adapt to our new realities. It's one way how we protect ourselves against the emotions we feel about what we've just lost.

Dodging the situation gives us more time to adjust and become more comfortable with our new life changes.

You may see certain behaviors come to the surface at the beginning of your transition to accepting your outcome.

You may think that you will get what you have lost back someday.

You imagine that maybe, later, you will have "that" again.

Trying to wrap your head around the thing to figure it out, you estimate that if you could just shuffle some priorities around in your life, you would somehow find more room for what is missing.

You may spend a lot of time focusing on how to make it all work out.

Wholeheartedly, you believe that you can make it okay.

For a while, you may try your best to get the object, person, or life back that you once had. You look for ways to get back to "normal" again.

These aren't bad things to be doing. We all try to hang on tightly to the things we love.

And why wouldn't we? They've carved a special place in our hearts, and made our lives more worth it, in some way.

In fact, it's entirely okay to embrace where you are and allow yourself to heal.

Give yourself plenty of space to stretch your thinking.

Because the real results that something is truly gone in your life (or at least for the moment), will be proven to you by your own observations.

In due time, you will begin to see that it's not going to work out, and that whatever it was is really gone.

When you are eased in your heart enough to face up to what life has given to you, is when you can expect to notice your mind shifting to another place in your journey with grief.

Grief: In the Beginning

Tragedy. It strikes. The world stops. Your light flickers, and for a short while halts. The life within you is frozen. And what is left isn't much.

What you are, in presence, is a mess of a human, invaded. Plagued by new feelings and emotions. Some of them rational. Some of them not.

You're torn from the absence and reality of what has just escaped you, and you can't even begin to begin... Anything.

Suffering is something that is shared by all of humanity. The grips of terror and anger and madness that you are experiencing are very real, and should be allowed as a part of your grieving experience.

Most of us try to brave our tempers and tame our tears, but what we really need is to allow these emotions to have their turn with us.

Shoving our pain causes emotional damage to linger, and bitterness to rage. Without really dealing with the issues, we avoid a large part of our freedom: our healing.

While there are many facets and aspects that we may never understand about how or why things happened like they did, we can be like open vessels for our pain to travel through.

The start may be conflicting. Heavy is the blaring voice of rage that twists and grinds its way through your soul. You can feel the absence. A vacancy is exposed by a swift rip and sudden uprooting from your flesh that pounds and throbs with random timing.

It serves as constant reminder of who you were, what once was, and what won't be...

Ever again.

I've felt these things. I'm very aware of the massive calamity it leaves you in its wake.

Death and loss can hold you in its snare, and choke you of your very breath.

But it is necessary to approach death and your feelings, and walk your broken, mangled heart through the process of its grieving.

Because the reward that awaits for you and for me, is a special place. A place that honors and restfully grins with more permission, a happier, healthier peace of mind.

I hope to help you transition through your struggles, and encourage you to be okay with the emotions you have.

Our hearts and our minds are the greatest of value, and we have the power to overcome and see a new day, through the goodness of grief.

Just. Move.

Have you ever been stuck? Ever tried to get up out of a hole of despair, or wrestled with the damaging effects of fear?

Fear is a devastating beast, and if you let it linger, and think about it for hours on end, you can watch it grow.

What was once a tiny little speck of worry, has now ripened to an adult-sized mass that continues to consume and gnaw, and peck away at the center of your soul.

Then, you're just left to wallow in its dust, surrounded by the pieces of your severed heart. That heart, that once held ambition, and hope, and a voice... And a means to survival.

But, now what can you do? You're here, and helpless, and wondering what you could ever do.

Sometimes, the hardest thing to do is get out of a funk. I mean, when you're stuck, well.. You're stuck. And it only makes sense, that you have to try and wiggle your way out of there.

When I allow fear to grip my life by the reigns, and direct and inspire my actions, I continue to feed the creature of doubt.

One way to face fear head on, is to meet it with a simple first step. Because, when you're scared and not sure about your steps, you can't expect yourself to do it all at once.

But, what you can do...

Is move.

Just move.

What happens when you adjust your eyes to the thing you fear most?

You feel power filling your fallen spirit. You feel the edge of your soul easing in, hushing your insecurity.

Then, suddenly...

You're out, and you can finally press your feet upon the ground again.. and this time, it's not inside a pit of gloomy demise.

This time your stance is strong and firm, and the warmth of the light is your radiant source of energy.

Grab courage with me, and without care to fear or the absence of help around...

Take this moment...

And let the mantra of "Just move" echo in your mind.

Just. Move.